


Sensible Dad Things

by InterstellarToaster



Series: Second Person: POV [9]
Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Cookies, Cooking, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, Misunderstandings, OR IS IT, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Second Person, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 01:02:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13135887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterstellarToaster/pseuds/InterstellarToaster
Summary: There were a few certainties in your life. The first was that your daughter was amazing and perfect. The second was that aluminum foil cannot be microwaved. And the third, arguably one of the most important (right after the first), was that people who had sweaters tied around their shoulders were not to be trusted.Enter Joseph Christiansen.





	Sensible Dad Things

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this instead of working on my actual writing stuff but  
> You can pry this game from my cold dead hands

There were a few certainties in your life. Things you held onto, and knew to be true. The first was that your daughter was amazing and perfect. The second was that aluminum foil cannot be microwaved. And the third, arguably one of the most important (right after the first), was that people who had sweaters tied around their shoulders were not to be trusted. 

From the day your little manda-panda could talk, you told her these things. She grew up knowing that you loved him, knowing to never trust sweaters around shoulders, and with an extensive knowledge of microwave safety. 

And so, on that lukewarm and inoffensive night, fate decided to play a funny prank.

Your doorbell rang. You made your way to the door, missing out on Extreme Cooking with the Elderly in Ancient Alien Ruins. Whoever was at your door clearly had no sense of time management skills. You opened the door quickly, hoping it wasn't a burglar– you weren't ready to die, at least not in walrus pajamas. 

Importantly, it wasn't a burglar.

Worse. It was a man, with a sweater tied around his shoulders.

"Hi there! I'm Joseph, your next-door neighbor. I heard that you just moved in, blah blah blah..."

Joseph's words faded to the background. Your body ran on autopilot, as you accepted the plate of cookies, a fake smile on your face. Oh sweet baby Jesus. Your day of reckoning was upon you. Your body felt weak, and your stomach churned with ice. There wasn't any escape. You were trapped in an Adult Conversation with Sweater Man. 

"Dad!" 

But God was totally looking out for you, because Amanda, your sweet daughter, your savior, called out to you. She was probably still making that Art ™ in her bedroom. But this was a dad emergency, one she would understand.

"Hey, 'Manda!" You called back, before digging out the coded sentence you had taught her, "The fish need feeding!"

There was a clatter. Joseph was still talking to you, or at you, or whatever. Your grip on the cookie platter was unyielding. There was darkness in Joseph's eyes, you just knew it. The sweater around his shoulders was just the outward sign. He was definitely, undoubtably, one hundred percent hiding some evil secret. Like not liking pineapple on pizza. Or being an evil cult leader. Your money was on the first one. 

"Dad!" Amanda was beside you, her hair a little messed up from her run. Her eyes locked onto the sweater, then not a moment had passed before she realized the situation. Using her excellent acting skills, she slowly doubled over.

"Oh no!" She clutched her stomach, "I ate way too many pizza rolls."

You gratefully turned to her, false shock on your face, "Oh no, my beautiful daughter. Not the pizza rolls!"

"Yes, the pizza rolls," She bemoaned, "Im not gonna make it. This is the end."

Amanda collapsed onto the floor, still making weird sick noises. You turned back to Joseph, and he seemed concerned.

"I'm sorry, Joseph," You lied, "I have to help my daughter. She suffers for her hubris."

"The pizza rolls!" Amanda cried out.

"Of course," Joseph nodded, "You can return the plate when you're done. I hope your daughter-"

You closed the door with a little too much haste, cutting off Joseph's words at the end there. Whoops. Amanda was on her feet in an instant, rushing the plate of cookies from your hand. But instead of eating it, like would be customary, she hurried it to the kitchen garbage can.

"They can't be trusted," she decided, glaring.

"Wait, 'Manda-Panda!" You called out. The first of the cookies teetered precariously in the silence, "We can totally still eat those."

"But what if he poisoned them?" Amanda countered. She had a good point. You closed your eyes, and considered the options.

"That may be true," You decided, "But that's a risk I'm willing to take."

You shoved three cookies into your mouth. 

"I'll remember your sacrifice if this is the end," Amanda saluted. After a few more cookies, you felt your stomach rumbling ominously. 

"Definitely poisoned," You nodded, before kneeling over and falling onto the couch.

"Are you sure you didn't just eat way too many?" Amanda asked, already eating some of the cookies.

"No, definitely poisoned," You nodded again. Amanda made a disappointed noise. 

"Darn."

You still ate the cookies, though.

But from that day on, you knew that Joseph was hiding something. Something sinister. His evil secret would not be safe for long, that you swore.


End file.
